As an author, I get regular emails from my readers. Lately, predominantly from US and India. Men and women of different ages, thanking me for The Power of the Possible, telling me how the book has helped them with their lives and relationships...
And just as I am getting happy reading an email like this, a question follows:
"Auriela, can you please tell me what to do with my... husband, sister-in-law, daughter, mother, wife, friend...???"
Whoever it happens to be is not acting they way my reader wants them to act. Doing something that "must be stopped." And they are asking me to show them how to stop it.
This is when I do a double-take.
Haven't you just read my book?
Haven't you just written to me to thank me for it?
How then did you miss the book's entire message:
Nothing changes until you do?
Every story ( each one, a true story,) in The Power of the Possible shows through the examples of other people's experiences, why trying to get another person to change doesn't work.
It explains why it is so, and why it will always be so.
It also shows that people change when they want to change.
And only when they want to change.
Never because we ask them or tell them to do it.
And so you read the book, you agree that you can't change other people, (in theory,) and then, when it comes to your own life, out the door goes this bit of wisdom and you are back to the same old fight: someone HAS to change.
And that someone is usually someone else.
Because YOU know what's best for THEM.
A fascinating thing, human nature. A fascinating thing also is how stubborn we are about "being right" and insisting that others see things our way.
Below are a my responses to a few of the questions I often get.
And though they may not be what you hoped to hear, the truth does set us free, even if at first, to quote Gloria Steinem, it "will piss you off."
-Is there a magic technique that will make your lover stop flirting with other women?
No, there is not.
If it bothers you, leave him. You can't change him.
But you can change yourself.
-Is there a way you can make your adult son change, so he gets a permanent job and moves out of your house?
Yes. Tell him he has to move out. And mean it.
-What? Kick out my son?
Absolutely. Give him notice (a short notice) and be firm. Didn't you say he was an adult? This is the best thing you can do for him, and for you. Stop trying to get him to change.
-What can you do to get your mother to stop being rude to your wife?
Tell her that unless she acts differently she can't come visit. Period. Don't ask her to change. Inform her about how it will be from now on. Change yourself.
-Should you ask for an apology from your sister-in-law with whom you have been refusing to speak for 7 years over "a trifle"?
Absolutely. To keep holding a grudge for 7 years? Come on. It was "a trifle." Your words, not mine. Apologize. And be thankful if she doesn't turn out to be like you, punishing you for the next 7 years.
If these answers were self-evident, bravo! I hope you got a chuckle or two.
And if they were not, hurry to Amazon.com or to my website and get The Power of the Possible and read it! What on earth are you waiting for?:)
All for now.
Much love to you, always.
Remember: never ever give up hope!