What is the Right "Why?" Question?
I watch the baby sleep in total awe. She sleeps so peacefully, totally trusting that she is going to be OK. Sometimes she opens her eyes and considers whether or not she should start crying, but then decides that it's too much work and why bother anyway? Having made this very wise decision she closes her tiny eyes and is gone dreaming again. So much more fun! Don't laugh :). This is exactly how it looks to me. And while she sleeps, several eager adults - her parents and grandparents - are all focusing on one thing and one thing only - making sure her every possible need is met. Does she wonder whether or not she is deserving of such attention? Is she concerned about being worthy of all the fuss? Does she have any problem receiving all the love she is being showered with? Do I even need to answer these silly questions????
And here is this week's Food for Thought.
Are the questions really that silly? Weren't all of us at one time tiny infants? Weren't we all born sure we were deserving and worthy of love? Willing to receive everything? Expecting it totally? Forgive me for pointing the obvious. And yes, I know difficult things happened to you in your childhood, and in the years that came after that. I don't want to discount it in any way, nor to diminish the pain, if it is still there. And today you have a story of the past that won't go away... Everyone has a story. I do too, if I choose to pull it out, dust it off and breathe life into it again. But why? I lost interest in mine long ago. Aren't you tired of yours? What happened - happened. And it happened in the past. It doesn't have to affect you today. It is possible, truly possible to leave that past behind, heal the pain and move beyond it, even if it feels like it has become part of you. In order to do that, you need to tell yourself the truth about something. You need to ask yourself one question you have never asked yourself before. Ask the question and then answer it. And answer it honestly. And what question is that? I am getting there, I promise. How many times have you heard yourself say or think "Why?" Why did it happen to me? Why was I so unlucky? Why me, God? What have I done to deserve this? Not finding the answers, sometimes deciding there is no God, since "no real God would have allowed this injustice"... . And the question remained: "Why me?" And there was never an answer, was there? Often, it lead to bitterness, resentments, anger, feeling sorry for yourself, feeling like you are all alone... But it never led to relief. Do you want to know why? Because all the time you've been asking the wrong question, while the right question remained hidden right in front of you, in plain sight . It was also a "why?" But a very different "why." What you needed to ask yourself all along was this: -Why am I still holding on to that past? -What am I getting out of keeping it alive? -Who do I want to keep punishing? -Who do I want to keep on the hook? -What are the pay-offs ( secret "rewards") I am getting out of not letting the pain be healed? -What does it allow me not to do, that I otherwise would be doing? These are not pretty or easy questions to look at. The good news is - and if you've been reading my Food for Thought for a while, you know there is always good news coming - that once you start answering these questions honestly, answering to yourself only, no one else needs to know unless you want them to, you will feel as if an immense burden is being lifted off your shoulders. Yes, this is true. You will be discovering parts of yourself you won't be proud of, things about yourself you never wanted to look at or admit... and the burden will start lifting!!!! How can it be? Just try it. You never have to take my word for anything. I will never say to you "just trust me." I hope to always be trustworthy. So try it for yourself and be amazed. Because once you see that it was actually you who had chosen to live at sufferance of what had happened to you years ago, made this choice in this day and age, when so many avenues of growth and healing are available, it will also become immediately obvious that you can now make a different choice. It's that simple. If it is up to "them," up to the people who caused us pain, then we are really in trouble. But if it is up to you - then you are in charge of your life and you can be free from "them!" You can stop feeling "undeserving" because your father told you so when you were 5, or 15, or whatever age. You can stop feeling "unworthy," stop having difficulties with receiving love... Stop giving all the tired excuses you have been giving for years and instead - decide to learn how to do it all differently. Think about it. The newly born infant knows it is 100% worthy, 100% deserving of everything it can possibly need or want. And has 0% problem receiving love. You were once an infant. And you knew it as well. You were born knowing it. It is the Universal Law. It is the Truth. And then - you forgot it. Because of "life," because of everything that had happened. Because forgetting it was actually the entire point! So that later, when you are ready, you can remember it. So that the knowing is not automatic, (the way the baby has it) but a conscious choice. Your conscious choice. And that's powerful! Oh, the places we can go to once this truth sinks in! It is also a great place to stop for now. Think about what you've just read. Take your time. Honor your cadence. Return to this blog, read it again. If you allow me, I will then show you the steps to getting there. I call them: The Steps to Freedom. I will not just show them to you, I will take you through them. We will do it together. And it will work! It will work - if you decide to make it work for you. No one else can make this choice. It will be easy - if you take the time to answer the questions. And if I haven't lost you long ago and you are still reading this - I am sure you will find the time! All for now.